Dysfunctions of a Team [Conflict]

The Fear Of Conflict

“To be human is to be in conflict…To be human in light of the gospel is to face conflict in REDEMPTIVE dialogue.” –Theologian John Howard.

Can conflict actually guide us to anything REDEMPTIVE?

If this is true, which I believe it is, why don’t I see conflict more as an opportunity to redeem things. In fact, I actually know it’s true—for example, in my 25-year relationship with Debbie—conflict DOES lead to greater intimacy in our relationship. My own experience demonstrates this truth:

To the degree that Debbie and I care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers [conflict] in our relationship is directly measured in how closely we are growing toward each other.

Nobody likes conflict, but conflict is inevitable during human interaction and it is even critical for effective team development. There is such a thing as constructive conflict and it is significantly different from that filled with sarcasm that often is emotionally charged and deconstructive.

The real enemy in conflict is not the conflict itself as much as it is our emotions.

Too often, it’s our emotions that are creating the distance we sense from others while the conflict is presenting the opportunity to open-us-up to one another in ways that can bring us closer together—not drive us apart!

For conflict to lead to redemptive dialogue, we need to help one another GAIN DISTANCE FROM OUR EMOTIONS, usually through greater sensitivity to timing, structured listening and sharing and controlled feedback, and a full awareness that our emotions have the potential to redirect any conflict in the opposite direction of redeeming dialogue if not kept in check.

Goal: to de-escalate emotional tensions long enough to make space for rational dialogue.

Also, redemptive dialogue does not have to result in disagreement being eliminated. But, the way we disagree impacts us, and that determines the outcome as much or even more than the content of our disagreement.

So, HOW we disagree matters more than WHAT we disagree about. We CAN disagree and move forward through conflict in redemptive ways!

Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit…Ephesians 4:3

UNITED Leaders Strategy for Constructive Conflict:

IN THOUGHT: accept conflict, affirm hope, commit to prayer, see conflict as opportunity to lead to redeeming dialogue.

IN ACTION: Go to each other, …in the spirit of humility, be quick to listen, be slow to judge, be willing to negotiate and work together.

IN LIFE: Be steadfast in love, be open to mediation, trust community, be the Body of Christ!

Dysfunctions of a Team [Trust]

The Absence of  Trust – Part 1

Trust is a very precious commodity of any relationship or team; we all know that to be true. The other thing that is unfortunately true about trust, is that many of us have been personally let down by others that make trusting again sometimes more difficult. Before we can get to the corporate level of building trust for a team, let’s first begin at the personal level to give us something to build upon.

When we are…

Disappointed.

Let down.

Hurt.

Wounded, burned, or betrayed by others.

We easily become less excited about being vulnerable to trusting again—and understandably. However, when we do stop being vulnerable, our hearts essentially shut down because it’s too painful to live from them anymore.

Interestingly, when we do get wounded emotionally, instinctively what can happen to avoid further hurt is that ‘guarding your heart’ becomes the emphasis to the point that we essentially shut down our hearts. But our hearts are only alive to the degree that we are living from them.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

To ‘guard your heart’ so tightly that it may in fact stop any life from ‘flowing from it’ is not healthy for anyone and is certainly not helping you develop trust in any life-giving way.

To be clear: Boundaries with certain people are good and necessary. However, to not be vulnerable and close off your heart toward others—in fear that they’ll just hurt you like so-and so did—is not good. We have to be vulnerable and willing to help each other get more vulnerable.

How do we initially do that? Learn to use the following phrases:

I’m sorry.

I was wrong.

I need your help.

Also, we can open up to being more vulnerable toward others by believing the best in others’ intentions before too quickly believing the worst.

Patrick Lencioini, author of The Five Dysfunctions Of A Team, describes trust as:

“the confidence among team members that their peers’ intentions are good, and there is no reason to be protective or careful around the group; in essence, teammates must get comfortable being vulnerable with one another”

I’m praying that our teams can really take hold of and experience that!

UNITED Leaders

A few a weeks back, all of our student leaders at Cross Point came together as ONE team leading students on 4 CP campuses. I’m very proud of these men and women, who not only love and lead our students well, but who also work very hard at being UNITED–ONE team doing ministry in 4 different places.

We’ve come to realize that we need the following to be better together.

1.) Unified Commitment

By God’s design, no one person is gifted to do everything well. Student ministry is communal; it is the work of a entire body or team. And, when you are on a team, the overall team’s well being and goals take precedent over individual desires and preferences—unifying everyone.

2.) Collaborative Climate

There is a large body of research and data that consistently concludes that collaborative environments are far more efficient and productive than competitive ones. We will be far more successful by working well with others than by competing with others or trying to work alone.

The Major Goal of Our SM team, right now.

To Work Together More Effectively and Efficiently as a Functioning Team on Each Campus.

To begin that work, we must realize we bring a great gift to the team that contributes to it functioning better—we like this part of team and can live there easily. However, we also bring some measure of dysfunction that can destroy both unified commitment and a collaborative climate—too often we would rather just avoid this, but we can’t if we truly hope to function more highly as a team.

The Starting Point of Teamwork?

It begins with establishing the right attitude and spirit of healthy teams; which is first and foremost, BE FOR each other.

The Payoff

When we participate on a well functioning team, we know it…

-We experience higher levels of joy.
-We see greater results from our efforts.
-We are quick to extend trust and grace to each other.
-We have more fun.