Unity, Freedom, Love, & Diversity

We live in a culture that bombards us with all they ways we are different.

To name a few: dress, speech, religious beliefs & rites,  family upbringing, skin color,  food, music, age, appearance, intelligence, political persuasion, economic status, race, and theological perspective.

Here’s a question for us to really ponder…

When God looks upon us, and considers the uniqueness in which he created each of us, do you think the above mentioned are atop his list of those he values most?

These really don’t make us much different, at least not at the core level of our being in which God would take great delight in.

Although we are diverse, we are not really all that different.  We discover commonality at the center of our humanity.

And I’d argue that God takes greater delight (and we should be too!) in the things that unite us rather than the differences that divide us.

As a pastor, one of the ways I see this played-out, is in the arena of religious belief, rites, and theological perspective. Too many of us draw dogmatic lines in the sand that divide more than they unite.

This leads us more toward biting and devouring of one another than uniting us. It further closes us off to the experience and perspective of others, creating dissonance on the surface, with what otherwise may actually be harmonious at a deeper level.

Unity begins with the understanding of our common humanity with others. That is still quite important to our lives relationally.

The discovery of this leads us back to the unity beneath our differences. There we’re united in our diversity and awaken to the reality that we are not the only favored and loved ones of God. To suggest or think otherwise, is the sinful nature at it’s best in the form of pride. And pride will always polarize us from both God and one another.

In the context of discovering unity, freedom, and love among our diversity, consider this…

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.”

- Galatians 5:13-15

We live in freedom to focus on what unites us rather than what divides us.

Not freedom to do or think whatever we want. Freedom to live in the tension of diversity as we serve one another in love.

It’s our duty as Christians to talk about the ways in which we differ theologically. And we are to do it in: love, honesty, openness, intelligence, humility, patience, and certainly out of our devotion for Christ.

In essential matters: we have unity

In non essentials: we have freedom

In all things: we have love

But isn’t one’s non essential another’s essential and one’s essential another’s non essential. Exactly! That’s when and why we must ‘use our freedom to serve one another in love‘!

It’s difficult and requires maturity to live in the reality of freedom in Christ in such a way. But it’s how I believe the spirit of Jesus invites us to live.

One Final Thought: Perhaps Freedom in Christ is more than just something we claim for ourselves. It may actually be something we offer one another that unites us even in our diversity!

Dysfunctions of a Team [Conflict]

The Fear Of Conflict

“To be human is to be in conflict…To be human in light of the gospel is to face conflict in REDEMPTIVE dialogue.” –Theologian John Howard.

Can conflict actually guide us to anything REDEMPTIVE?

If this is true, which I believe it is, why don’t I see conflict more as an opportunity to redeem things. In fact, I actually know it’s true—for example, in my 25-year relationship with Debbie—conflict DOES lead to greater intimacy in our relationship. My own experience demonstrates this truth:

To the degree that Debbie and I care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers [conflict] in our relationship is directly measured in how closely we are growing toward each other.

Nobody likes conflict, but conflict is inevitable during human interaction and it is even critical for effective team development. There is such a thing as constructive conflict and it is significantly different from that filled with sarcasm that often is emotionally charged and deconstructive.

The real enemy in conflict is not the conflict itself as much as it is our emotions.

Too often, it’s our emotions that are creating the distance we sense from others while the conflict is presenting the opportunity to open-us-up to one another in ways that can bring us closer together—not drive us apart!

For conflict to lead to redemptive dialogue, we need to help one another GAIN DISTANCE FROM OUR EMOTIONS, usually through greater sensitivity to timing, structured listening and sharing and controlled feedback, and a full awareness that our emotions have the potential to redirect any conflict in the opposite direction of redeeming dialogue if not kept in check.

Goal: to de-escalate emotional tensions long enough to make space for rational dialogue.

Also, redemptive dialogue does not have to result in disagreement being eliminated. But, the way we disagree impacts us, and that determines the outcome as much or even more than the content of our disagreement.

So, HOW we disagree matters more than WHAT we disagree about. We CAN disagree and move forward through conflict in redemptive ways!

Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit…Ephesians 4:3

UNITED Leaders Strategy for Constructive Conflict:

IN THOUGHT: accept conflict, affirm hope, commit to prayer, see conflict as opportunity to lead to redeeming dialogue.

IN ACTION: Go to each other, …in the spirit of humility, be quick to listen, be slow to judge, be willing to negotiate and work together.

IN LIFE: Be steadfast in love, be open to mediation, trust community, be the Body of Christ!

Dysfunctions of a Team [Trust]

The Absence of  Trust – Part 1

Trust is a very precious commodity of any relationship or team; we all know that to be true. The other thing that is unfortunately true about trust, is that many of us have been personally let down by others that make trusting again sometimes more difficult. Before we can get to the corporate level of building trust for a team, let’s first begin at the personal level to give us something to build upon.

When we are…

Disappointed.

Let down.

Hurt.

Wounded, burned, or betrayed by others.

We easily become less excited about being vulnerable to trusting again—and understandably. However, when we do stop being vulnerable, our hearts essentially shut down because it’s too painful to live from them anymore.

Interestingly, when we do get wounded emotionally, instinctively what can happen to avoid further hurt is that ‘guarding your heart’ becomes the emphasis to the point that we essentially shut down our hearts. But our hearts are only alive to the degree that we are living from them.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

To ‘guard your heart’ so tightly that it may in fact stop any life from ‘flowing from it’ is not healthy for anyone and is certainly not helping you develop trust in any life-giving way.

To be clear: Boundaries with certain people are good and necessary. However, to not be vulnerable and close off your heart toward others—in fear that they’ll just hurt you like so-and so did—is not good. We have to be vulnerable and willing to help each other get more vulnerable.

How do we initially do that? Learn to use the following phrases:

I’m sorry.

I was wrong.

I need your help.

Also, we can open up to being more vulnerable toward others by believing the best in others’ intentions before too quickly believing the worst.

Patrick Lencioini, author of The Five Dysfunctions Of A Team, describes trust as:

“the confidence among team members that their peers’ intentions are good, and there is no reason to be protective or careful around the group; in essence, teammates must get comfortable being vulnerable with one another”

I’m praying that our teams can really take hold of and experience that!

To All My New Friends At “Charge”

I wanted to give a “shout-out” to all the wonderful leaders and students I met last evening at “Charge.”

Charge is the student ministry of Cross Point Community Church. Many of you are just simply madd [I've never seen the insane sport of 'chair wall rammin' till last night; glad you more brilliant friends chose to wear helmets even though your feet were left exposed to be severed], but you all love God and life!

Thanks for such a warm welcome, I’m looking forward to getting to know you all better!