Reclaiming Innocence – Guilt’s Alternative

There is a difference between the awareness and responsibility of wrongdoing and oppressing guilt that inevitably leads to shame.

The slide from guilt to shame is a dangerously slippery slope. Guilt seems to place us where “sliding downward” is a common outcome of its vice. Guilt and shame are no strangers and have blurry lines of distinction from one another.

Guilt Does Nothing To Help Us In The Now.

It’s an emotion sinisterly drawing us back into a past, holding us there, with no power to move us on. Guilt’s natural slant is a decline, leaving us slipping and sliding backward and downward into the past–while the real power to do anything is only in the present.

Guilt’s Self-Serving Agenda

Guilt focuses primarily on the person feeling guilty (self). If I’m feeling guilty, I am more concerned about feeling good again than I am about the destructiveness of the problem or the way I may have hurt someone. The sad reality is that feeling guilty never made anyone feel any better. Guilt only serves to self-serve more guilt.

Guilt Is The Evil Imitation Of Godly Sorrow.

I’d argue there’s a big difference between “feeling guilty” and “feeling sorry.” When I’m sorry, I’m more focused on making amends with others and not just with feeling better myself.

The deceptive notion when we’ve messed up is that guilt is somehow what we deserve; the price to pay is feeling bad. But, feeling bad is the best that feeling guilty can ever really produce. And how is that useful in any way? There is a more helpful alternative called Godly Sorrow.

Godly Sorrow is about a renewal of the heart and life that moves us beyond feeling bad or guilty, to becoming entirely a different kind of person. In fact, it seems to invite us to experience freedom from guilt altogether…

“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.”  ~ Hebrews 10:22

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret…” ~ 2 Cor. 7:10

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation! Old things have gone, and look–everything has become new! It all comes from God…” ~ 2 Cor. 5:17-18

Reclaiming Innocence: That’s The Gospel (Good News).

The gospel is not fundamentally like guilt–an endless reminder of all the ways that you have messed up. It’s about the promise, potential, and possibility of reclaiming innocence (guilt-LESS-ness offered by God in Christ) inspiring our lives into things like hope, joy, wonder, and renewal.

Reclaiming Innocence – Disney Was Right!

Are you naturally more of the cynic or innocent in your approach to life?

I think I’m both–it just depends on the day, circumstances, and or the experience I currently see into the present with.

Nevertheless, I’m learning that the way of the cynic slowly erodes our spirits and takes away from us the experience of being fully human, while the way of innocence promotes hope, joy, wonder and renewal.

Cynicism Kills Hope.

When I speak of being cynical, I’m not referring to the necessary critical thinking of seeing and speaking honestly about a particular thing–that’s different than being the cynic.

The world of the cynic is fixed and immovable. Yet, the world is actually quite malleable, and a cynic has no capacity to even see it, killing all hope that it could ever possibly change.

Innocence Is Actually Stronger Than That.

When speaking of innocence, I don’t primarily see it as a thing you have until an experience “takes” it away from you. Innocence is actually a much stronger component of the human spirit than that. I don’t believe it can be completely “stolen or taken away” unless it is relinquished.

If you think you’ve “lost” it, I wholeheartedly believe it can be reclaimed. If it’s being challenged, it’s absolutely worth the fight to not stumble onto the pathway of cynicism.

Seeing Innocence As A Quality.

What if we began to see Innocence as a QUALITY God brings to our lives, of which we continually pursue, and not an early stage of life on the way to experience, which eventually takes it away. I’d argue that an understanding of innocence in this light, would allow for innocence to spring up with great intensity in the face or all experience.

Experience cannot take away this kind of innocence.

 The Real Challenge Of Life. 

Is the real challenge of life dealing with how the world comes to us, or, how we come to the world?  I think it’s how we come to the world that matters most. Innocence that continually pursues hope and renewal is stronger than any experience; leading us to find goodness in everything and making beauty of every ugly thing.

Disney Was Right!

There are happy endings. The GOOD God who created the world and people has not become cynical or given up on it or US. He’s certainly experienced a lot through out history to challenge His innocence and yet still adamantly refuses the path of cynicism…

He who was seated on the throne said, “ I AM MAKING EVERYTHING NEW!” [note the exclamation point]. Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ~ Rev. 21

Seems to me that the God of the universe is already reclaiming innocence for all He’s created. That’s really great news. Let’s join with Him in this cosmic project to reclaim goodness everywhere and for everyone!

Jawbones, Swords, & Crosses

This post is about revenge, betrayal, and the incredible healing power of the act of forgiveness.

Forgiveness Is A Grand Idea.

It’s stronger and more powerful than any act of violence, injustice, abuse, wrong, hurt, or suffering. It can help heal a wounded soul and further bring healing to nations.

Why is the action of forgiveness so difficult for so many of us to choose? Perhaps because we do have other options which often feel like the more natural impulses to choose. What are those options?

Jawbones. Donkey jawbones are options. They’re the choice tool to use to execute revenge [as demonstrated by Samson in Judges 15]. “I’m merely going to do them what they did to me,” or “I won’t stop or rest until I get my revenge on them.” These are impulses that fuel revenge. And, by the way, how do you know when you’ve finally gotten enough revenge anyway?

Revenge never truly satisfies, makes up for, redeems, or heals; it only escalates and is a boomerang that cannot be thrown without retaliation or further harm to the thrower. Spitefully, we still pick up donkey jawbones and go at those who hurt us with them, and without much regard to the consequences of our actions.

In Contrast: Forgiveness is a surrendering of our right to get even.

Swords. Are another option, and we all have them. Swords seem to be the easiest thing to pull out, to lash out of emotion with, when someone’s betrayed or hurt us, or when something was said about us or done to us.

We must learn, what one of Jesus companions learned about swords directly from Jesus [Matthew 26]. “For all who draw the sword will die by the sword.” You’ve heard it said—and it might actually feel like the most natural way to respond—“pull out your sword.” But, I say [Jesus], “put it away!”

Forgiveness means refusing to make them pay.

Crosses. Are an option too. Jesus and the cross, shows us clearly and practically what forgiveness looks like. Parker Palmer describes it like this:  

“The cross says the pain stops here. The way of the cross is a way of absorbing pain, not passing it on, a way that transforms pain from destructive impulse into creative power. When Jesus accepted the cross, his death opened up a way for the redeeming power of love.”  

Each of us has a cross to carry. And, we’re invited to take them up and follow Jesus. [Luke 9:23].

Maybe someone wronged, hurt, or wounded us. Maybe we’re mentally or physically handicapped in some way, or suffer from depression. Maybe we’ve experienced conflict in our families, or are victims of violence or abuse. We didn’t choose any of these. But we can’t ignore, reject, refuse, or hate them either. These are our crosses.

Carrying our crosses is an act of forgiveness in itself. It’s an entrusting of ourselves entirely to God, in full confidence that He is able to take care of justice far better than we.

One Final Thought. Jawbones and swords are options, but only crosses have real power to heal and resurrect new life. Choose crosses!

Creating A New Way To Remember

One of the persistent problems of the human spirit is its remarkable power to remember with little or no power to change what we remember. If what we remembered was only the good, or if we could some how delete all memory that wasn’t, that would be just perfect, wouldn’t it?

Unfortunately, most everyone of us has at least some memory of being abused, wounded, hurt, burned, betrayed, let down, lied to, cheated on, disappointed or taken advantage of. It’s life in an imperfect world of imperfect people. So, if we can’t DELETE our memory, is there perhaps a way to HEAL our memory? Here’s one such way:

Forgiving what we can’t forget creates a new way to remember.

The apostle Paul writes about it like this: “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…pressing on…”

But Paul’s version of forgetting is slightly different than we might think. It’s not a deletion, denial, or even an elimination of a painful or disappointing past, but rather a new way of seeing it.

It’s as if Paul is essentially saying: “I’ve been fired at, and even been hit a few times, but look how incredible the love, grace, and healing of God are…I’m still pressing on!”

Consider this the next time an injustice or wickedness has be done to you by another…

“Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter.”

“It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it.”  ~Henri Nouwen

What Every Person Should Know About Worship

I think some of us might be missing a central understanding of the influence worship plays in our lives.

Worship is something we all do every day and yet we can be completely unaware of what it nurtures in us. We actually worship more often than we think and are influenced by it more often than we can imagine.

Let’s begin with a basic definition of what worship is: ascribing worth to something or someone as being worthy of our highest respect, value, love, adoration, and praise.

It can also mean celebrating the worth of something or someone we idolize blindly and or excessively.

One thing is for sure: Whether we worship God, or something or someone else, every human being is worshiping.

We Need A More Holistic Understanding Of Worship.

In a christian culture, when we hear the word, “worship,” many assume it to mean it’s time to sing in church. While singing in church is a great way to worship God, it’s not entirely what it means to worship. If that’s our holistic understanding of worship, we are missing out on so much. Worship is actually much broader, grander, bigger, and more mysterious than just singing to God Sunday in church.

The influence of what or who we worship is profoundly energizing the trajectory of who we are becoming every day—whether we acknowledge it as doing so or not. And spirituality is about the deepest values and meanings by which we all live, and nothing helps shape and form that spirituality more than what we worship.

The Golden Rules At The Heart Of Spirituality.

There are “two golden rules at the heart of spirituality,” as N.T. Wright puts it. I think these are what every person should know about worship and it’s fundamental influence in our lives. I’ll leave you with these to ponder and consider…

You become like what you worship. “When you gaze in awe, admiration, and wonder at something or someone, you begin to take on something of the character of the object of your worship. Those who worship money become, eventually, human calculating machines. Those who worship sex become obsessed with their own attractiveness or prowess. Those who worship power become more and more ruthless.”

Worship makes you more truly human. “When you gaze in love and gratitude at the God in whose image you were made, you do indeed grow. You discover more of what it means to be fully alive. Conversely, when you give that same total worship to anyone else, you shrink as a human being.”

Did You Marry The “Right” Person?

I have done a lot of premarital with couples and weddings in the last few weeks, and it has got me thinking…

How do some couples think a person can be so “right” in one moment, only then to later think they are so “wrong?”

Do people really change that much, or conceal so well their true selves early on, eventually causing the other mate to question “who” or “why” they married?

Yes, perhaps so, but I don’t think it is as often as we too quickly accept. It might even only be true for a minority of couples.

Of course, there are exceptions, but only if you’ve recently discovered you married a serial killer or rapist, thief or criminal, abusive or cheating spouse, child molester and so on…you get the point.

But for many people who might be asking the “right” person question, it’s most likely not from any kind of extreme revelation like I’ve mentioned above. For a good majority, the question: did I marry the “right” person? may in fact, not even be the right or most helpful question to be asking after you’re married anyhow.

Perhaps we should ask this first: Is it possible the questioning may have more to do with the realization you both have somehow drifted apart, rather than about your mate being the “right” person?

I suspect and think this is true for many married couples. Secondly, if you are already married, the “right” question might actually now be more about you than it is about your spouse.

The real issue, first and foremost, may not be whether you married the right person; but rather ARE YOU BEING the right person? Just think, what would marriages, homes, and families be like if every married person took that seriously.

“It’s far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.” –Zig Ziglar

Have you honestly considered that how you’re treating your spouse can make all the difference? It could all come down to you and how committed you are to being the right kind of person.

For some, the strength of commitment in a marriage varies; it’s only as strong and deep as what they feel emotionally or physically toward the other at a given moment; ‘I felt you were the “right” person yesterday, but today I feel differently.’

Maybe a better way to understand commitment would be to compare it to bungee jumping. When you take that step off the platform, you are committed to follow through. The real reward of exhilaration is in the follow through after the jump.

Here’s an even better question to ask: Is commitment a direction to be pursued as long as it works, or is it a direction to be pursued until it works?

Your spouse being the “right” person might have everything to do with you being the “right” person—the person who follows through with what and with whom they committed to.

Resolving Regret

What human being hasn’t experienced this emotion; wishing they said, did, or didn’t say or do, something?

It can emerge both out of our action and or inaction. But its insight always seems to be a day or even much too late.

As William O’Rourke said, “Regret is an odd emotion because it comes only upon reflection. Regret lacks immediacy, and so it’s power seldom influences events when it could do some good.”

But, can any good come from regret at all? I think so.

Regret Is Transitional.

It’s a first step toward something more helpful or hurtful. It can certainly move us either upward or downward. Toward a more intensified guilt or redeeming value. The two paths are distinctively clear.

Regret Leads Us To Two Types Of Sorrow.

One leads to life—Repentance. The other to some kind of death (in varying degrees) and the repeated beating of ourselves (emotionally)—Guilt.

“Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” –2 Cor. 7:9-10

There seems to be a kind of sorrow that God intends for us that saves us from regret. And it’s a sorrow that points us in the direction of a better life, where we discover our need for God’s love, care, and direction.

We don’t need God to regret our mistakes; we can do that on our own. And that’s the problem with regret; it can make no amends for the wrongdoing and just leaves us only trusting in our own capacities to deal with it. Regret just keeps us focused on itself or ourselves.

Repentance Is A Gift.

It draws us back to God. It is simply a turning toward God in our regret. And, in doing so, we move out of regret and into a better way of living—the past redeemed for the good and a renewed joy to breathe deeply and enjoy the moment.

May you take life as it comes; allowing it to move you only nearer to God. And, may we all resolve the regrets; then can come the best of benedictions.

Spiritual Growth: The Essential Nature of It

One’s whole life is an ongoing process of spiritual formation.

We don’t get to pick and choose when or where because it’s actually already happening all-the-time.

Every day, moment-by-moment…

We are ALWAYS becoming a certain kind of person.

Opening up to God more deeply or closing ourselves off. Growing emotionally or staying immature. Developing relationally or suffering the injury of under development.

Spiritual growth touches ALL of our life. There is no such thing as our “spiritual life” and then our “real life.” It is all integrated into ONE life—the one you live every day.

Adversity: The Outer Clothing Of Growth.

I find it difficult to accept [even though it’s too often true] that the deepest kind of growth happens in the most challenging and difficult spots of my life. And even though I know I’m growing in the middle of it, it never seems to be a satisfying consolation in real-time.

Ever pray this prayer: “Lord, is there any other path I can go rather than this one I’m currently on?” I know I have. And Jesus did too. But experience teaches that what we’d rather avoid, can indeed be something God uses to grow his purpose in and out of our life.

I often seem to think that some other place will be the ideal spot for me to grow more adequately. But rarely is it the place I’m presently at; I most often think it should happen somewhere else, or in some other way—mostly in greater comfort and on a smoother path.

Fully Embrace YOUR Life.

I’m realizing a seed only flourishes by staying in the ground in which it is sown. And, the SEED is US and the GROUND is OUR LIVES. We can’t replant ourselves into another life. We can only flourish in the life we’re planted in, because it’s the only one given to us.

We might do better to realize and trust that the “ground of our lives” [no matter what circumstantially is prevailing or where we find ourselves] is in fact the best place to discover everything that we need to flourish and grow.

Gripping Too Tightly To Your Life.

Spiritual growth implies a lessening of self-concern in conjunction with a deepening awareness of God’s presence at work in our lives. Often we are too preoccupied—thinking too much of or feeling overly sorry for ourselves—to notice the presence of the divine in the moment, at work, in our inner most being.

Lessening of self-concern? But why? So that we can engage more fully in our life—the life that God gives and created for us to live. When we are too full of ourselves, we fool ourselves into believing that we are the source of our own life. And, when we swim in the deep waters of self-pity for too long, we soon discover we’re drowning in a lack of gratitude to fully appreciate and enjoy our life.

Spiritual growth moves us in the direction of the best possible life for us. And we have a living, breathing picture of how God wants us to live. Jesus is a living portrait of the many ways in which we can live the best possible life.

Three Things From a Living Portrait Of Jesus.

Which seem to be foundational for spiritual and life development.

• Emptying our selves by giving up “equality with God.” Our sense of entitlement must die. Life has been given to us; it is a gift. We cannot be the source of life to ourselves, or be in control of everything, attempting to play God. But as we take on the very nature of a servant, serving others and their interest as well as your own, we’ll grow by getting smaller. Ascent by descent, humbling ourselves, this begins it all.

• Submitting to God’s will. In all growth we have to accept and bow our knee in trust of God’s path for us rather than making for ourselves our own. Embrace all of your life—the beautiful and the ugly—and trust that God is at work in the center of it all to bring about good. Even when there’s a misstep or a redirection on the path you currently know; trust in God, lean not only to your understanding, acknowledge God in all your ways, and know he’ll direct you.

• Overcoming evil with good. Regardless of how you’re treated, give back better than you receive. And, never become the evil that’s being done to you. Your health and maturity are not dependent upon someone else. You’re not a slave to someone else’s immaturity. Jesus was concerned with doing the right thing, no matter what was done to him. If we will identify with that kind of suffering, we will certainly grow much faster in spite of what is thrown at us and transcend the immaturity around us.

The opportunities to grow, mature, and be formed spiritually are present every day in things like conversations, relationships, emotions, circumstances, etc., the very real stuff that makes up our daily lives. Let’s embrace it all, allowing every part of our lives—and the example of Christ’s life—to develop, shape, and form us?

Unity, Freedom, Love, & Diversity

We live in a culture that bombards us with all they ways we are different.

To name a few: dress, speech, religious beliefs & rites,  family upbringing, skin color,  food, music, age, appearance, intelligence, political persuasion, economic status, race, and theological perspective.

Here’s a question for us to really ponder…

When God looks upon us, and considers the uniqueness in which he created each of us, do you think the above mentioned are atop his list of those he values most?

These really don’t make us much different, at least not at the core level of our being in which God would take great delight in.

Although we are diverse, we are not really all that different.  We discover commonality at the center of our humanity.

And I’d argue that God takes greater delight (and we should be too!) in the things that unite us rather than the differences that divide us.

As a pastor, one of the ways I see this played-out, is in the arena of religious belief, rites, and theological perspective. Too many of us draw dogmatic lines in the sand that divide more than they unite.

This leads us more toward biting and devouring of one another than uniting us. It further closes us off to the experience and perspective of others, creating dissonance on the surface, with what otherwise may actually be harmonious at a deeper level.

Unity begins with the understanding of our common humanity with others. That is still quite important to our lives relationally.

The discovery of this leads us back to the unity beneath our differences. There we’re united in our diversity and awaken to the reality that we are not the only favored and loved ones of God. To suggest or think otherwise, is the sinful nature at it’s best in the form of pride. And pride will always polarize us from both God and one another.

In the context of discovering unity, freedom, and love among our diversity, consider this…

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.”

- Galatians 5:13-15

We live in freedom to focus on what unites us rather than what divides us.

Not freedom to do or think whatever we want. Freedom to live in the tension of diversity as we serve one another in love.

It’s our duty as Christians to talk about the ways in which we differ theologically. And we are to do it in: love, honesty, openness, intelligence, humility, patience, and certainly out of our devotion for Christ.

In essential matters: we have unity

In non essentials: we have freedom

In all things: we have love

But isn’t one’s non essential another’s essential and one’s essential another’s non essential. Exactly! That’s when and why we must ‘use our freedom to serve one another in love‘!

It’s difficult and requires maturity to live in the reality of freedom in Christ in such a way. But it’s how I believe the spirit of Jesus invites us to live.

One Final Thought: Perhaps Freedom in Christ is more than just something we claim for ourselves. It may actually be something we offer one another that unites us even in our diversity!

Lent: A Call To Examination

Our lives are so absorbed in the day-to-day experiences of life.

We focus on the…

Name brand of our clothing.

Square footage of our houses.

Balances of our bank accounts.

Year and make of our cars.

Esteem in which others hold us.

All the symbols of our own power and accomplishments!

As a result of these focuses, we can too often and easily forget our Maker and Redeemer, replacing God with things and selfish-ambitions. Lent is the season that we do something about that.

It calls us back to God, back to the spiritual realities of our lives that ground us. It’s a time to examine our lives and return to God in the places where we have begun to stray. It’s also a concentrated period of time leading up to Easter that invites us to come to God for restoration, healing and wholeness where we may have broken apart.

We need the reminder that WE CAN BE PUT BACK TOGETHER.

In our Americano version of Christianity, with all its seven quick steps to do and fix everything, the Lenten season invites us to slow down and create space for soul-searching—not rushing to fix ourselves, but rather opening our hearts to God in the most meaningful places of our lives to be touched by Him.

As we enter into Lent…

We pause.

We examine.

We listen.

We reflect.

We repent.

We return.

Lent’s ultimate goal is to reflect on what it means to change, and that we CAN be changed, as we humble ourselves before our creator who’s redeeming every part of our lives.

It is necessary, however, that, while fasting, praying, and rededicating ourselves, we seek to surrender our whole life and practice virtue. We don’t want to just talk about words such as: love, generosity, forgiveness, mercy, humility, confession, repentance, faithfulness, sacrifice, and selflessness, but we want them to be actually how we live.

May we all draw closer to God in this season and know that He is not far from anyone of us. “For it is in Him that we live and move and have our being!”